November Ninth

today is my honey’s TWENTY-NINTH birthday.

and i don’t want to hear any cracks about MY age, right now.  it’s about him.  my TINY BABY boyfriend.

so for my handsome irish lad, here are some thoughts:

May your mornings bring joy
and your evenings bring peace…
May your troubles grow less
as your blessings increase!

May you get all your wishes but one,
so that you will always have something to strive for!

May you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live.

May you live to be 100 years, with one extra year to repent.

May God grant you many years to live, for sure he must be knowing, the earth has angels all too few and heaven is overflowing…

 

and finally:

We drink to your coffin. May it be built from the wood of a hundred year old oak tree that I shall plant tomorrow.

 

i love you baby.  Happy Birthday!

love on the rocks

i need a new iPod.  mine is 3 years old and i keep it in my car.  therefore it has gone through the rigors of texas weather for those 3 years.  now it won’t hold a charge unless plugged into the transmitter.  the button hardly works and they don’t even SELL the model i have.

the other night when i was looking into new iPods, WIO said, “i bet you could weed through the 14 gigs of music you have and make some space and then a 16 gig nano would suit you just fine”. 

i said, “NUH-UH… i listen to ALL of the songs on here!”  and then i looked at the songs that had NO play time.  yeah, i’m sure i could make some room. 

so my NEW game is this.  hit “shuffle” and then don’t touch it.  i HAVE to listen to each song that plays and cannot skip.  which seems like a fun thing to do, until you find that you downloaded “Love on the Rocks” by Neil Diamond.  welcome to the 80’s.  they called and want their crappy song back. 

i’m trying to see what stays and what goes.  i have a feeling that WIO might be right and i COULD clean it up a bit.  do i honestly need 6 versions of Oh Holy Night?  and when is the next time i will have a desire to listen to ABBA?  unless i’m trying to win the GAYEST MIX TAPE EVER contest, i don’t think i will. 

hey Steve, just go ahead and make me a 30 gig  purple nano, wouldja? 

Octo Mom

and i don’t mean that swollen lipped monstrosity of a woman who had a litter of babies.

i mean the Mom whose birthday is in OCTOber.  ya know… myveryownpersonal Mother. YAY!

this post is for the woman who gave birth to me.  the woman who went hungry so HER kids could eat.  the woman who scraped and pinched so that my brother and i could have a life not knowing that she scraped and pinched.  the woman who is loved by so many and doesn’t even know it.  the woman whose smile lights up a room.  the woman who is the reason for my obsessive nature.  the woman who painted my tights while they were on my legs to make me Strawberry Shortcake for Halloween one year and my legs were green for a week.  the woman who loves with abandon and has a heart as big as the moon.

Ama, happiest of Birthdays.  see you in 2 weeks.  i love you.

p.s. y’all should email her and wish her happy birthday too!

legacy

it takes a taste of mortality to get your mind working.  WIO and i went to a “friend’s” funeral yesterday.  i put friend in quotes because he was merely an aquaintance of mine and he was an employee of WIO’s.  but we went because we had kept up with the progress of his hospital stay after his car accident with a neat feature of the hospital’s.  they have a “blog” for the patients and we were able to see how he was doing.  the fact is that he was driving drunk and messed himself up enough for 3 people.  his body was destroyed.  he developed meningitis.  but he survived for 33 days in the hospital before he had an aneurism and died.  it was terribly sad.  but it also served a great purpose.

i am not going to stand here and say that i have never driven drunk.  but after this, i can tell you that i never will again.  and if that is the message that i needed from this, then i have received it and the point was made.

during the funeral, many people spoke of how the man lived his life with love for his family and his church and his beloved Red Sox.  and that he was a great friend.  and i believe all of those things.  but i also know that he was reckless with his life.  and that was a hard one to swallow.  the thought of anyone i love being reckless with their life is not acceptable.  the thought of me being reckless with my life is not acceptable.

when the service was over, we went to eat with a close friend of ours.  we talked about the service and about religion and about wills and what we would like OUR funerals to be like.  JB asked me if i had a will.  i dont.  she asked if i had a living will.  i dont.  she asked how people would know what i wanted.  i said, i’m pretty sure Angela, my mom and WIO can figure it out.  and i’m pretty sure i will blog about it and that’s how everyone will know what i want.  she said, i bet in this day and age that would stand up in court.

so here goes.

when i finally give into the next adventure this is what i would like.

• i want to be cremated.
• not sure where i want my ashes spread yet.  just hang onto them for now.
• nobody wears black.  i’d prefer purple.
• no snotty sobbing nonsense
• no sappy ass soundtrack that makes everyone cry.
• no sports memorabilia
• an irish wake (more importantly THIS part: After the funeral, all the friends and relations drop by the house and partake of the vast quantities of food and drink that have appeared, as if by magic, into the house. Often, the family will arrive home and find that the house has been cleaned from top to bottom and every surface of the kitchen and beyond is weighed down with the best of food and drink. This is where the “Irish wake” stereotype comes from. The people gathered remember the life of the deceased, and the taller the story the better. A stranger would think there was a real hoolie going on, and in a sense there is: it’s a way to celebrate the life departed. There may be tears, but there’s plenty of laughter as well, as all the funny stories, happy times, and triumphs of the dead are shared and recorded in the memories of the living.)
• no church service (find a nice park, or hell they have destination weddings, can you have a destination funeral?  lets go to Bora Bora!)
• 2 songs i really DO want played at the “service”.  first Into The Mystic by Van Morrison (i know you ALL saw that one coming) then at the end Your Love Keeps Liftin Me by Jackie Wilson cause i picture you fools disregarding the whole “no snotty sobbing nonsense” and then when that song comes on, you HAVE to dance.  if you dont dance when you hear that song anyway, then you have no soul.  and speaking of souls, i’m sure i’ll be hanging around to watch over all of you and hear what you have to say about me cause i’m like that… and then the part where he sings, “your love keeps liftin me… higher and higher….” then i will be able to make that journey.
• then i want you to find somewhere nice to plant a cedar tree.   and then play the song by the Indigo Girls.  it goes like this: you dug a well you dug it deep for every wife you buried you planted a cedar tree the best you ever had i stand where you stood i stand for the bad or good i am green you are wood the best he ever had i dig a well i dig it deep and for my only love i plant a cedar tree the best we ever had

so basically get drunk, wear purple, share stories, and laugh.

and y’all can divide my stuff as you see fit.  cause im the one who puts weird sentimental value on some strange things.  who knows WHO will want my vintage lava lamp or my damn-near life-sized Wicked Witch legs.

SHAMELESS

we have listed our Cubs/Pirates tix on craiglist and ebay. 

if you are in Chicago on September 30th, then go buy them. 

 

here is the sad story:

We drove 16 hours from Austin, Texas to Chicago, Illinois on August 16th. We rode the EL to the stadium and stood like awestruck fans that we were AT Wrigley. We walked inside and ordered up 2 Old Styles and tried not to look like tourists and non-locals. We found our amazing seats and went to sit down to FINALLY watch a Cubs game AT Wrigley. We sat in the rain for 3 and half hours HOPING that the boys would take the field. Despite hoping and crying into our beers and praying to the Rain Gods to let the boys play, they announced that the game had been cancelled.

Sadly we gathered up our belongings and trudged out of the stadium.

Today, you can take advantage of our sad tale of woe. We aren’t able to make the trip BACK to Chi Town to catch the make-up game. We are offering to you our tickets. Our Amazing Seats. Our Summer Trip Adventure Seats. Please make sure you have an Old Style or two for us while you enjoy the game. Section 127 Row 11 Seats 7 and 8

Paypal payments only. since we aren’t IN Chicago. We will email the tickets to you.

 

 

 

GO BUY THEM NOW.  Momma needs nail polish money. 

 

 

Waterbug

so a couple of weeks ago, i kinda had a small fender bender.  it was my first day back after the Labor Day vacation.  it was raining.  it was traffic-y.  i had gotten a text message but chose NOT to look at it and then WHAMMO!  smacked right into the back of a Ford Expedition.  my coffee went flying into my windshield and my head snapped forward and back.  i was going MAYBE 20 miles an hour.  but with the rain and the size of the ford, it was a good impact. 

we both got out and surveyed the damage.  not a scratch on the ford.  but Gita looked like this:

the lady asked if i wanted to call the police.  she looked a little terrified.  i asked if she was ok and we both looked back at the school traffic starting to pile up behind us.  she chose NOT to call the police.  (i assume either she was an illegal, or had no insurance) and she drove away.  i called WIO and told him what happened.  he told me to find somewhere to park the car since the airbag COULD conceivably still “deploy” (what a weird word).

i found somewhere to park about a mile away and got out of Gita and surveyed the damage again.  and i wanted to cry.  but i was a big brave girl.  i didn’t.  Gita was doing enough of that on her own.  evidently i had loosened a ground wire and she was making some very interesting noises.  it was like she had turned into Herbie.  so i stood in the rain and waited for WIO. 

thankfully i was still close enough to the house that it didnt take him long to get there.  he offered to drive back to the house so i hopped in the truck where a sleepy-eyed Kiddo asked, “when it’s raining do you have to drive DaDa’s truck?”   “Yes baby, i do.”  

we drove slowly back to the house and i got online with Progressive to see what the process was to file a claim.  i was pleased that i could fill out the claim online.  within 30 minutes a guy called to finish processing my claim.  i was still too shaken to form complete sentences so WIO did most of the talking.  i was told that i could pick up my rental from the concierge center and that they would come get Gita and tow her to the shop.  once they assessed the damage, they would fix her, take her BACK to the claims center and make sure it was all done right and then i would take the rental BACK and drive Gita home.  thank YOU Flo! 

that was about 2 weeks ago.  i have driven a crappy little Nissan Sentra for those weeks and HOPEFULLY i get Gita back today.  i have missed my little Waterbug.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

i be happy that thar be a day for me and me like.

here’s a fun way t’ change all o’ your Twitter posts into “Pirate Speak“

and turn your iPhone into an AYEPhone

and if ye jus` need some seafarin’ hearty words today, go HERE an’ translate from English t’ Sea dog

drink yer grog. kiss a wench. an’ buckle yer swash.

YARRRRRR….

~Yer Favorite Saucy Wench

Mean Donna Jean

today is my dear friend Donna’s birthday. 

when i lived in SC, our tradition was to get 2 dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts instead of cake.  sometimes it was WITH cake.   whatev.  don’t judge!

 

along with Hot N Nows we would then go “shopping” for hats.  and i dont mean basball caps and fedoras.  i mean HATS. 

 

 

 

here’s to a wonderful birthday.  full of doughnuts and laughter and maybe, just maybe find some time to go try on hats, Doll. 

love you, Satsuma!

homies

yes, we’re home. 

lots of stories to come.  still trying to get caught up at work.  but the post will be filled with tales of thunderstorms, Thunderbirds, baseball games and baseball almost games, weddings and divorces and lots of gas.  the fueling AND farting kind. 

 

stay tuned.

WIO ROAD TRIP…. (of doooooooooooooooom)

we leave tomorrow.  like as in the day after today.  as in “holy shit i don’t have anything packed cause we’re leaving TOMORROW”, tomorrow. 

(insert high-pitched squeal here)

 

and i’m already worn out.  wanna see the itinerary?

Saturday after work  (could be 5:45 could be 2:00) we drive to Chicago.  yes.  right after work, we are DRIVING to Chicago.  and we hope to be there by 1pm on Sunday cause we are going to the Cubs/Pirates game.  and i’ll admit, even though it IS the Cubbies, i am excited to go to Wrigley.  (don’t tell WIO)  since it’s a day game we are gonna goof of in Chi Town and stay the night there. 

Monday we are driving 3 hours to Madison, Wisconsin to hang out with WIO’s aunts and uncles.  i realized the other day that i moved in with a man that my mother hasn’t even met yet and i am going to WISCONSIN to meet Aunts and Uncles!  i’m stoked!

Tuesday early morning we are driving 6 hours to Indianapolis for Number’s Summit (could end up just being Number’s Gathering if we cant get #4’s ass there.) that night we are going to the Jason Mraz concert because as some of you know, the Numbers “LOVE that Skinny White Boy”.  there will be much drinking and laughing and WIO has to do some sucking up.  remember that part about moving in with a boy myveryownpersonal mother hasn’t met, this also applies to meeting the Numbers.  i hope i get to keep him.  also i hope that Allie doesn’t take him home.  i’m very concerned that she will try to. 

Thursday we are gonna drive the hour and a half to Cincinnati!  EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  and go see a game against the San Fran Giants.  (yes, TWO baseball games!!!!!)  we are gonna schlep around Cincy Friday as well, maybe go to the … LOLA CLOSE YOUR EYES….

aquarium.  and White Castle… OH THE WHITE CASTLE…. i am giddy about the Castle.  i am hoping to make the drive home as unbreathable as possible!  hehehehehehehe

Saturday we will start the trek back home.  we MAY pop though St. Louis and catch a Cards game.  INSANE TO THINK THAT WE MAY SEE 3 GAMES IN 3 MAJOR BALLPARKS IN ONE WEEK!!!!!  ok stop, i may pee if i think about it too much.  and we are certainly are gonna try to see my momma and daddy when we pass thru Dallas cause OH YEAH MOM AND DAD WILL HAVE MOVED BACK TO TEXAS!!!!!!  i didn’t tell y’all about that?  probably because i was afraid to jinx it.  i didn’t want to say ANYTHING until i knew she was packed up in the car with 2 dogs and a carton of smokes.  AND GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!  SHE IS! 

so we hope to be home by Sunday. 

see.  now YOU are worn out too.  i can’t freaking wait.