it takes a taste of mortality to get your mind working. WIO and i went to a “friend’s” funeral yesterday. i put friend in quotes because he was merely an aquaintance of mine and he was an employee of WIO’s. but we went because we had kept up with the progress of his hospital stay after his car accident with a neat feature of the hospital’s. they have a “blog” for the patients and we were able to see how he was doing. the fact is that he was driving drunk and messed himself up enough for 3 people. his body was destroyed. he developed meningitis. but he survived for 33 days in the hospital before he had an aneurism and died. it was terribly sad. but it also served a great purpose.
i am not going to stand here and say that i have never driven drunk. but after this, i can tell you that i never will again. and if that is the message that i needed from this, then i have received it and the point was made.
during the funeral, many people spoke of how the man lived his life with love for his family and his church and his beloved Red Sox. and that he was a great friend. and i believe all of those things. but i also know that he was reckless with his life. and that was a hard one to swallow. the thought of anyone i love being reckless with their life is not acceptable. the thought of me being reckless with my life is not acceptable.
when the service was over, we went to eat with a close friend of ours. we talked about the service and about religion and about wills and what we would like OUR funerals to be like. JB asked me if i had a will. i dont. she asked if i had a living will. i dont. she asked how people would know what i wanted. i said, i’m pretty sure Angela, my mom and WIO can figure it out. and i’m pretty sure i will blog about it and that’s how everyone will know what i want. she said, i bet in this day and age that would stand up in court.
so here goes.
when i finally give into the next adventure this is what i would like.
- i want to be cremated.
- not sure where i want my ashes spread yet. just hang onto them for now.
- nobody wears black. i’d prefer purple.
- no snotty sobbing nonsense
- no sappy ass soundtrack that makes everyone cry.
- no sports memorabilia
- an irish wake (more importantly THIS part: After the funeral, all the friends and relations drop by the house and partake of the vast quantities of food and drink that have appeared, as if by magic, into the house. Often, the family will arrive home and find that the house has been cleaned from top to bottom and every surface of the kitchen and beyond is weighed down with the best of food and drink. This is where the “Irish wake” stereotype comes from. The people gathered remember the life of the deceased, and the taller the story the better. A stranger would think there was a real hoolie going on, and in a sense there is: it’s a way to celebrate the life departed. There may be tears, but there’s plenty of laughter as well, as all the funny stories, happy times, and triumphs of the dead are shared and recorded in the memories of the living.)
- no church service (find a nice park, or hell they have destination weddings, can you have a destination funeral? lets go to Bora Bora!)
- 2 songs i really DO want played at the “service”. first Into The Mystic by Van Morrison (i know you ALL saw that one coming) then at the end Your Love Keeps Liftin Me by Jackie Wilson cause i picture you fools disregarding the whole “no snotty sobbing nonsense” and then when that song comes on, you HAVE to dance. if you dont dance when you hear that song anyway, then you have no soul. and speaking of souls, i’m sure i’ll be hanging around to watch over all of you and hear what you have to say about me cause i’m like that… and then the part where he sings, “your love keeps liftin me… higher and higher….” then i will be able to make that journey.
- then i want you to find somewhere nice to plant a cedar tree. and then play the song by the Indigo Girls. it goes like this: you dug a well you dug it deep for every wife you buried you planted a cedar tree the best you ever had i stand where you stood i stand for the bad or good i am green you are wood the best he ever had i dig a well i dig it deep and for my only love i plant a cedar tree the best we ever had
so basically get drunk, wear purple, share stories, and laugh.
and y’all can divide my stuff as you see fit. cause im the one who puts weird sentimental value on some strange things. who knows WHO will want my vintage lava lamp or my damn-near life-sized Wicked Witch legs.