today i was selfish. today i felt sorry for myself. today i shut EVERYONE out. especially anyone whose ever given birth.
i boycotted Mother’s Day. who DOES that?
this girl. i wanted NOTHING to do with today. my veryown personalmother is lucky she got a card. no one got called today. a few people got a text. but other than that. i was a hateful awful person. i have spent the entire day wallowing in the fact that i am NOT a mother. i have spent all day feeling sorry for myself. i have spent all day making my boyfriend feel like shit, because i am being the girl who boycotts Mother’s Day.
when i was little, i HOPED to have kids by the time i was 23 like my mother did so that i could have the same close relationship that she and i had. it is now TEN years past my 23rd birthday and i am still not a mommy. and today, i am sulking because of it. i make NO apologies. i make NO excuses.
all i make is this blog post with an explanation. here i am. sad. half-drunk. and blogging. instead of making other people realize that i am happy that they are in my life… i’m writing this.
to all the mothers i know: i wish you a day filled with love and appreciation that YOU were able to breathe life into another human being. i wish you a day filled with adoration that you didn’t turn your kids into serial killers and sociopaths. i wish you a day when everyone dotes on you instead of you doing everything for everyone else, and someone stopping and realizing all that you do. and i wish you MY love. because i have MUCH love for all a mother does. and i hope one day i can be the woman who gives herself so wholly and completely and unquestioningly so that another may see the joy in the world.
happy mother’s day. you are loved.