boycott

today i was selfish.  today i felt sorry for myself.  today i shut EVERYONE out.  especially anyone whose ever given birth.

i boycotted Mother’s Day.  who DOES that?

this girl.  i wanted NOTHING to do with today.  my veryown personalmother is lucky she got a card.  no one got called today.  a few people got a text.  but other than that.  i was a hateful awful person.   i have spent the entire day wallowing in the fact that i am NOT a mother.  i have spent all day feeling sorry for myself.  i have spent all day making my boyfriend feel like shit, because i am being the girl who boycotts Mother’s Day.

when i was little, i HOPED to have kids by the time i was 23 like my mother did so that i could have the same close relationship that she and i had.  it is now TEN years past my 23rd birthday and i am still not a mommy.  and today, i am sulking because of it.  i make NO apologies.  i make NO excuses.

all i make is this blog post with an explanation.  here i am.  sad.  half-drunk.  and blogging.  instead of making other people realize that i am happy that they are in my life… i’m writing this.

to all the mothers i know: i wish you a day filled with love and appreciation that YOU were able to breathe life into another human being.  i wish you a day filled with adoration that you didn’t turn your kids into serial killers and sociopaths.  i wish you a day when everyone dotes on you instead of you doing everything for everyone else, and someone stopping and realizing all that you do.  and i wish you MY love.  because i have MUCH love for all a mother does.  and i hope one day i can be the woman who gives herself so wholly and completely and unquestioningly so that another may see the joy in the world.

happy mother’s day.  you are loved.

christel

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “boycott

  1. Christel, you are already that woman, and all of us reading it are grateful. Your day will come!
    xoxox
    momma b

  2. Thank YOU Momma B! That means more than you know.

    Also my OWN Momma had to say this;
    I’m sorry you are so sad.  It will happen when it is supposed to. Your love won’t dissipate or disappear or dis anything.  If anything it will grow and grow and grow and grow.  You have been sending out love your whole life, so it is okay if you took one day off to feel sorry for not being able to give it to the one being you want to share it with the most – your own child.  Just remember, love is love, whether it is going to a child, or a spouse, or an aunt or uncle or bum on the street or the person in your office you like the least.  Love is love is love and the more it is given and appreciated the more you get in return. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s